I have been thinking about a lot lately.... jobs, cut and mangled fingers, the various problems and shit in my life...do I stay in academe or do I get some guts and practice my art or listen to myself.... whatever that means..... I am too scared to take the risk? What is the risk? I have already starved, been homeless, without a job, health... that risk is not enough it seems or it is not the "right" risk. Is it just a way of avoiding a commitment?
Research: Transmodern, transgendered theory, trans abled aesthetics.....
Transabled... interesting that it refers to a desire to be a person with a disability - the assumption being ..... wait! why the hell would anyone want to be like this? Perhaps that is the theoretical place to start to "trouble ability"? (God I hate trying to correct my typos)....
A phrase I heard today listening/watching to a video on line: "contradiction produces consciousness"
"Two problems juxtaposed may present a solution" from a Q & A after a film at Picturefest Friday night.....
Enough......tomorrow is my birthday and I realize as I near 60 years I am way too fucked up for someone my age!
Every night the animals destroy the birdfeeder- every time a different part of it: the plastic sides, the attachment that anchors it to the bottom, the loop at the top - and every day I unscrew the thing and figure out some new and stronger way to put it back together and each early morning or in the evening after work I look outside and there it is on the ground.... in pieces. And I keep fixing it.... it isn't getting any better! It still gets wrecked... is there another solution? putting it somewhere else? not doing it anymore? But who knows? Because there I am persisting....I keep at it......
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